Monday, March 19, 2012


"You know, as much as we were looking forward to seeing little Harmony starring in the Happy Valley Snoring Theater version of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, we just can't make it because...

Our dog is opening the same night, in an all-canine version of  The Bad Seed. We're a little concerned he's taking this roll a little too seriously...soooo...we can't miss it. He's got really sharp teeth.

I've developed this allergy to folding metal chairs.

My paramilitary group has target practice that night, and attendance is mandatory.

I'm so sorry, but I think that play is on PETA's boycott list. You know, the hot tin not being a safe environment for the cat, and all.

RED FLAG: If the town is small enough and weird enough, there actually MAY be a canine version of a play- and the kid's parent might want to come along on your next 'fictional' paramilitary meeting.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Excuse of the day... GETTING OUT OF A DINNER PARTY.

"I'm so sorry, as much as we would love to attend your dinner party on Saturday, my husband and I are in the middle of a new cleansing diet."
At this point, many hosts will offer to be gracious and accommodating.
Keep adding foods to your 'offlimits' list until they become exhausted and give up.

  • Oh we're only eating eggs for the next two weeks.
  • Yeah, we just went to a nutritionist, and we're off everything but canned tuna until the middle of next month.
  • You know, because of this nasty rash, we're sticking to only beets and rice noodles until it clears up.
  • You've heard of a juice fast? This is like that only we're eating nothing but spaghetti bolognese until we each drop 10 lbs.
RED FLAG: This won't work if you hang out with vegans, gluten-free folks, macrobiotic dieters, or the ones who only eat food that is grown biodynamically.

Good Luck!